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Daily Archives: March 2, 2011

St Francis explaining grass


—–
        This is a pretty funny summary of the madness of pursueing the ‘
perfact lawn ‘  .
God and Grass
Thought you gardeners would enjoy this conversation between God and St.
Francis. It’s pretty funny because it’s true.
GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect
no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all
I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS:
It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
GOD:
Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive
to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
growing there?
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.
They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.
GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:
You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing
so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they
can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to
have them hauled away.
GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
leaves.
GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD:
Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:
‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….
GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.*

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Posted by on March 2, 2011 in Family's

 

Amazing, eh?

Amazing, eh?

There were two Presidents absent from our soil on Veterans Day. 
Obama was in
 Indonesia honoring their "Heroes Day". 
Indonesia has the highest concentration of Muslims in the world.
Who's the other "missing President?" 
 George Bush Senior.  
He was in
 Normandy
 France , where the
 largest 
U.S. Veterans cemeteries are. 
 
I just thought you would find this interesting...

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2011 in Family's

 

Ring Ring

*Rrriiiiinnnnggg,                                                               rrriiiinnnngg,**
**’Hello?’**

*’Hi  honey.****This  is  Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the   phone?’**

**’No,  Daddy.**
**She’s upstairs in the  bedroom with Uncle  Paul.’**

**After  a brief  pause,**
**Daddy  says,**

**’But  honey, you haven’t got an Uncle  Paul.’**

**’Oh  yes I do, and he’s upstairs   in the room with Mommy,****Right  now..’**

Brief  Pause.

**’Uh,  okay then, this is what I want  you to do.**
**Put  the phone down on the table, run  upstairs**
**And  knock on the bedroom door and  shout to Mommy**
**That  Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’**

**’Okay, Daddy, Just a  minute.’**

**A few  minutes  later**
**The  little girl comes back to the  phone.**

**’I did it,  Daddy.’**


**’And what happened,  honey?’


**
‘Well,  Mommy got all scared,
jumped out of bed with no  clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the  rug, hit her head on the  dresser**
**And now she isn’t moving  at all!’**

**’Oh my  God!!!  What about your  Uncle Paul?’**

**’He jumped out of the bed  with no clothes on,  too.**
**He was all scared and he  jumped out of the back  window**
**And into the swimming  pool.**
**But I guess he didn’t know  that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean  it.**

**He hit the bottom of the  pool and I think he’s  dead.’**

*****Long  Pause*****

*****Longer  Pause*****
*****Even Longer  Pause*****

**Then  Daddy  says,**
**’Swimming pool?  ………..**


**Is  this  486-5731?’*

**No,  I think you have the wrong number……..* 

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2011 in Uncategorized